What’s Your Conflict Style? › Two Firecrackers
Conflict styles, together
Two Firecrackers
Two people who say it while it’s hot. It flares fast, and it can be over just as fast.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Nothing festers. Both know where the other stands, and it’s often over soon after it starts.
Where it trips
Heat on both sides can leave nobody listening. Each can say more than they mean, and the sentence someone remembers isn’t always the point.
How each can be misread
One FirecrackerWhy is this always on me?
- Can mean
- I’m worn out.
- Can read as
- It’s all your fault.
The otherYou’re not the only one!
- Can mean
- I’m tired too.
- Can read as
- You don’t matter.
How it can go
A garage that never gets cleaned
One FirecrackerWhy is this always on me?
The otherYou’re not the only one doing anything!
One FirecrackerOh, great, here we go!
PorcupineBoth may be saying “I’m tired.” At this volume, it can sound like something harder. The real point might come out once it’s cooled off.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · What does this text mean?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
Whoever cools first
Call the ten minutes, for both of you.
We’re both worked up. Ten minutes, then let’s try again.
Why it helps: Cool down, then talk ›Whoever comes back
When you come back, start with what you meant.
I said that badly. What I meant is that I’m tired too.
Why it helps: Own your part ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict style- The FirecrackerQuick to light, quick to fizzle out.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).