What’s Your Conflict Style? › The seven conflict styles

Conflict styles

The seven conflict styles

Seven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.

When something’s wrong, some people say it right away, some go quiet, and some look for the middle. No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes.

Find your conflict style

A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes. It works best before you read on.

What sets them apart

Two questions set the styles apart. When something’s wrong, do you speak up or hold back? And do you make room for the other person, or stick to your side? Most people lean one way on each, and the lean can change with who it is.

All seven styles

The Firecracker

Quick to light, quick to fizzle out.

Does well: Nothing festers. You say it while it’s real, and then it’s over.

Can trip: Heat can land harder than you mean, and it’s hard to hear anyone while you’re burning.

The Untangler

You can’t rest until you get to the bottom of it.

Does well: You go toward hard things, and you care what’s underneath for both of you.

Can trip: Not everything needs a full talk, and pushing to finish tonight can feel like pressure to someone who needs a break.

The Peacekeeper

You’ll give a lot to keep things good between you.

Does well: You notice what other people need, and you let small things go.

Can trip: What you give up can build up quietly, and they may never know there was anything to give.

The Quiet One

When it gets hard, you go quiet.

Does well: You rarely say things you’ll regret, and not everything turns into a fight.

Can trip: Quiet can read as not caring, and the things that matter tend to come back.

The Case Maker

You have your facts straight, and you came prepared.

Does well: You stand up for what matters, and you’re clear about why.

Can trip: You can win the point and still leave them feeling unheard.

The Deal Maker

You’d rather both get something than argue all night.

Does well: You’re fair and practical, and you keep things moving.

Can trip: Splitting it too soon can skip what each of you really wanted, so you both walk away with half.

The Chameleon

No one style stood out, and your choices moved around.

Does well: You have more than one way of handling things.

Can trip: Someone who knows one of your ways may be thrown by another.

The five ways back

Style is only half of it. A way back is what you need after a fight, and it goes with any of the seven styles. Two people can share a style and still miss each other when one wants to talk tonight and the other needs a day.

Talk It Through

You need to go back over it until you both understand.

Sorry First

You’re the first to say sorry.

Give It Time

You need space before you can come back to it.

Back to Normal

A joke, a coffee, and it’s over.

Fix It

You want to know what’s different next time.

How the styles go together

Most disagreements have two people in them. Each pairing has its own page: where it works, where it trips, how each side can be misread, and one thing each can try.

All 28 pairings

The usual names

You may have seen five usual names for how people handle conflict. They’re plain words, and Porcupine’s styles aren’t the same thing, but here’s which is closest.

Avoiding: stepping away from a disagreement. Closest: The Quiet One
Accommodating: giving way to what the other person wants. Closest: The Peacekeeper
Compromising: each side giving up some of what it wants. Closest: The Deal Maker
Collaborating: working through a problem together. Closest: The Untangler
Competing: standing firm on your own side. Closest: The Case Maker

Common questions

What are the main conflict styles?

People often name five: avoiding, accommodating, compromising, collaborating and competing. Porcupine’s quiz uses seven of its own: the Firecracker, the Untangler, the Peacekeeper, the Quiet One, the Case Maker, the Deal Maker and the Chameleon.

What’s the best conflict style?

There isn’t one. Each style works sometimes and trips sometimes, and what helps depends on who it is and what’s at stake.

Can your conflict style change?

Yes. It describes what you tend to do, not who you are, and it can shift with the person and the day.

Where do these styles come from?

Porcupine made them up, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They’re for fun and a good conversation.

What’s my conflict style?

The quiz gives you twelve everyday moments and shows what you tend to do when something’s wrong and how you come back from it, in about three minutes. Pick what you’d really do, not what you wish you’d do.

Know someone who’d like these?

What’s Your Conflict Style?

Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.

Find your conflict style

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No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).