Guides
Help with the conversations you’ve been putting off
Step by step, for common hard conversations. Most steps come from one of the principles Porcupine is built on.
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Some you might recognize
The holidaysGet through the holidays with your family, without a fightWho goes where, gifts, grandparents and the dinner table, in the order they come up.Anyone in the familyHow to tell your family you’re not coming home for the holidaysYou can say no to the trip and still make it clear you care. Here’s how.Any relationshipHow to respond to a text that sounds passive-aggressive“Fine.” “Noted.” “k.” Some texts sound pointed. They might be, or they might have been typed in a hurry. Here’s how to find out.PartnersHow to ask your partner for more help at homeDoing more than your share can quietly build resentment. Here’s how to ask for help so it sounds like an invitation, not an attack.RoommatesHow to talk to your roommate about choresA sink full of dishes can turn into something bigger. Here’s how to bring it up so things get better, not tense.Any relationshipHow to apologize without making excusesMany apologies get undone by one word: “but.” Here’s how to own your part so yours lands.As the clientHow to tell your hairstylist you don’t like your haircutHere’s how to tell them kindly, so they can fix it.
Partners
- How to ask your partner for more help at home
- How to talk about money with your partner without fighting
- How to tell your partner something’s bothering you
- How to stop having the same argument over and over
- How to talk to your partner about their family
- How to decide whose family to spend the holidays with
- How to rebuild trust after you’ve lied to your partner
- How to tell your partner you’ve been feeling lonely
- How to tell your partner what you need
- How to talk with your partner about a big decision you disagree on
- How to talk to your partner about phone use
- How to plan a vacation with your partner when you want different things
Dating
Co-parents
- How to message your co-parent about a schedule change
- How to plan the holidays with your co-parent
- How to co-parent when you disagree on rules
- How to communicate with a difficult co-parent
- How to split the kids’ expenses with your co-parent
- How to tell your co-parent you’re introducing the kids to a new partner
Exes
Family
Parents and adult children
- How to set a boundary with your parents as an adult
- How to ask grandparents to respect your parenting rules
- How to tell your parents about a decision they might not like
- How to talk to an aging parent about driving
- How to talk to your adult child without arguing
- How to talk to your parents about their end-of-life wishes
- How to ask your parents for help with money
Siblings
In-laws
Friends
- How to ask a friend to pay you back
- How to tell a friend you’ve been feeling left out
- How to reconnect with a friend you’ve lost touch with
- What to do when a friendship feels one-sided
- How to set a boundary with a friend
- How to tell a friend you can’t afford their plans
- How to cancel plans without hurting a friend
- How to tell a friend you’re moving away
- How to tell a friend they hurt you
Roommates
- How to talk to your roommate about guests staying over
- How to talk to your roommate about noise
- How to tell your roommate you’re moving out
- How to ask your roommate to pay their share
- How to talk to your roommate about shared spaces
- How to talk to your roommate about splitting groceries and supplies
- How to talk to your roommate about chores
Coworkers
Managers and employees
- How to push back on your manager’s deadline
- How to say no to extra work
- How to give an employee difficult feedback
- How to disagree with your boss respectfully
- How to set boundaries at work
- How to ask for a raise
- How to tell your manager you made a mistake
- How to ask for time off
- How to ask your manager for feedback
Neighbors
Landlords and tenants
Clients and service providers
As the client
Strangers and acquaintances
Any relationship
- How to respond to a text that sounds passive-aggressive
- How to apologize without making excuses
- How to calm down before replying to an angry text
- How to tell someone you appreciate them
- How to say no without feeling guilty
- How to ask for space without hurting someone
- How to calm down an argument before it gets worse
- How to follow up when someone hasn’t replied
- How to ask for help