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Say It Worse

Corporate Speak Translator

Plain English in. Unforgivable office-speak out.

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Plain English, translated

I’m late.

Thanks for your patience as I right-size my arrival window. I’ll circle back with an updated ETA once traffic aligns with my deliverables.

No.

Love the energy! Not a fit for this quarter, but let’s put it in the parking lot and revisit once the ocean is boiled.

This meeting could have been an email.

Quick level-set: I’d love to sunset this touchpoint and socialize the key learnings asynchronously. Net-net, an email.

What’s for dinner?

Circling back on tonight’s nutrition roadmap. Who owns dinner, and can we get alignment before my hard stop?

The corporate speak dictionary

Circle back
Never.
Put a pin in it
No.
Bandwidth
Willingness.
Low-hanging fruit
The only part I plan to do.
Take this offline
Stop saying that in front of my boss.
Touch base
Interrupt you, on purpose.
Boil the ocean
Do what you just asked me to do.
Learnings
Lessons, with a lanyard.

These are jokes, not a guide to what anyone really means.