What’s Your Conflict Style? › Two Chameleons
Conflict styles, together
Two Chameleons
Two people with more than one way of handling it. There’s range here, and no usual pattern to go by.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Neither is stuck in one way, so a disagreement can get whatever it needs.
Where it trips
With no usual way on either side, neither may know what they’re about to get. A change can be nothing, or it can be something.
How each can be misread
One ChameleonLet’s just talk about it.
- Can mean
- I’m ready now.
- Can read as
- You’re different today.
The otherActually, let it go.
- Can mean
- Not worth it today.
- Can read as
- I’ve stopped caring.
How it can go
A plan that came up twice
One ChameleonCan we talk about the trip?
The otherActually, let it go.
One ChameleonYesterday you were the one who brought it up.
PorcupineBoth may have meant it each time. Neither way is wrong. With choices that move around, it can be hard to know which one you’re getting.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · What does this text mean?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
Whoever brings it up
When this one’s different for you, say so.
I don’t usually push on this, but I’d like to talk.
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›Whoever answers
Ask which kind of moment this is.
Is this a big one for you, or a small one?
Why it helps: Check before assuming ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict style- The ChameleonNo one style stood out, and your choices moved around.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).