What’s Your Conflict Style? › Two Deal Makers
Conflict styles, together
Two Deal Makers
Two people looking for the middle. It gets settled fast, maybe before anyone’s said what they want.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Both sides are fair and practical, and an argument rarely runs all night.
Where it trips
When both reach for the split, neither may say what they really wanted. You can both walk away with half of something neither of you wanted.
How each can be misread
One Deal MakerHalf and half?
- Can mean
- I want to be fair.
- Can read as
- This isn’t worth talking about.
The otherSure, deal.
- Can mean
- Good enough for me.
- Can read as
- I’m happy with this.
How it can go
Where to go on vacation
One Deal MakerYou want mountains, I want the beach. How about the lake, halfway?
The otherSure, deal.
One Deal MakerGreat.
PorcupineThe lake may be a fine choice. It may also be a place neither of them wanted. A quick deal doesn’t show what each one gave up.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · What does this text mean?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
Whoever offers
Before you split it, say why your pick matters.
The beach matters because I need the rest. Why the mountains for you?
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›Whoever answers
Say what matters most before you agree.
I don’t need mountains. I need somewhere I can sleep in.
Why it helps: Say what’s underneath ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict style- The Deal MakerYou’d rather both get something than argue all night.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).