What’s Your Conflict Style? › The Deal Maker
Conflict styles
The Deal Maker
You’d rather both get something than argue all night.
The Deal Maker looks for the split: each side gets something, the argument ends, and everyone can get on with the day.
Find your conflict styleA free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
What it looks like
Three everyday moments, handled the Deal Maker way. Every style’s page uses the same three, so you can compare.
With a friend · They borrowed your car and brought it back with the tank empty.
Suggest a rule: whoever borrows the car brings it back full.
With family · A parent rearranges your kitchen on every visit.
Give them one drawer that’s theirs to organize.
At work · A coworker keeps leaving you off the emails about your project.
Offer to send the weekly update if they add you to the list.
How it lands
What it does well
You’re fair and practical, and you keep things moving.
Where it trips
Splitting it too soon can skip what each of you really wanted, so you both walk away with half.
One thing to try
Porcupine · a tipBefore you offer a split, ask what matters most to them.
Instead ofLet’s just split it.
TryWhat matters most to you in this? I’ll tell you mine.
A guide that may help: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting ›
With other styles
With people who speak up more
The Firecracker · The Untangler · The Case Maker
It may feel settled to them before it does to you.
Try: Say one thing you’d otherwise keep: “I see it differently.”
With people who speak up less
The Peacekeeper · The Quiet One
It may feel settled to you before it does to them.
Try: Leave a gap, and ask: “What do you think? I really want to know.”
The Deal Maker with each style
Where each pairing works, where it trips, and one thing each can try.
If someone handles it like this
An offer to split it is usually an offer to be fair. You can still say it’s not the split you need.
Say what matters most
A split works better when they know which part you care about.
Not everything splits
Some things can’t be halved. It’s fine to say: “This one isn’t about meeting in the middle.”
Take the offer as goodwill
“Let’s split it” may not be brushing you off. If it feels too quick, say so and slow it down.
If they sayLet’s just do half and half and move on.
Porcupine · a tipTell them which part matters most before you agree.
You could sayThat’s fair. The weekend matters more to me than the money. Can we start there?
Common questions
What is a Deal Maker in a conflict?
Reaching for a fair split: “I’ll do this if you do that.” It keeps things moving, and both sides walk away with something.
Is the Deal Maker a compromising conflict style?
Close. “Compromising” is the usual name for each side giving up some of what it wants. Porcupine made up the Deal Maker, which adds one question: are you splitting the right things?
Is compromising always good?
It’s often the fair way out. It can trip when the split comes before anyone has said what they really want, so you both walk away with half.
How do I compromise better?
Before you offer a split, ask what matters most to them, and say what matters most to you. You may want different things, and then neither of you has to give up much.
Am I a Deal Maker?
If your first move is to find the middle, maybe. The quiz gives you twelve everyday moments and shows what you tend to do when something’s wrong and how you come back from it, in about three minutes.
Know someone this sounds like?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict styleMore from Porcupine
All seven styles
- The FirecrackerQuick to light, quick to fizzle out.
- The UntanglerYou can’t rest until you get to the bottom of it.
- The PeacekeeperYou’ll give a lot to keep things good between you.
- The Quiet OneWhen it gets hard, you go quiet.
- The Case MakerYou have your facts straight, and you came prepared.
- The Deal MakerYou’d rather both get something than argue all night.
- The ChameleonNo one style stood out, and your choices moved around.
The five ways back
A way back is what you need after a fight. It goes with any of the seven styles.
- Talk It ThroughYou need to go back over it until you both understand.
- Sorry FirstYou’re the first to say sorry.
- Give It TimeYou need space before you can come back to it.
- Back to NormalA joke, a coffee, and it’s over.
- Fix ItYou want to know what’s different next time.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).