What’s Your Conflict Style? › Two Quiet Ones
Conflict styles, together
Two Quiet Ones
Two people who go quiet. It stays calm, and neither may know what the other is thinking.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Neither pushes, and both get room to think. Few things get said that anyone regrets.
Where it trips
With two quiet sides, there may be nobody to go first. Each can wait for the other, and each can read the silence as a verdict.
How each can be misread
One Quiet One…
- Can mean
- I don’t know how to start.
- Can read as
- I’m done with this.
The otherHey.
- Can mean
- I’d like to be okay.
- Can read as
- We’ll act as if nothing happened.
How it can go
Two days after a disagreement
One Quiet OneHey.
The otherHey.
One Quiet OneDid you eat?
PorcupineIt may be a way of saying “are we okay?” without saying it. It might also mean the real thing stays unsaid. Small talk can’t tell you which.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · Is this text dry?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
Whoever goes first
Say the one line. It doesn’t have to be a big talk.
I’ve been thinking about the other day. Are we okay?
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›Whoever answers
Answer it, even a little.
I’m glad you said something. I’ve been thinking too.
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict style- The Quiet OneWhen it gets hard, you go quiet.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).