What’s Your Conflict Style? › The Case Maker and the Chameleon
Conflict styles, together
The Case Maker and the Chameleon
One comes with the record. The other doesn’t do the same thing twice, so the record may not fit.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Facts give the talk something firm to stand on, and the shifting side has more than one way to answer them.
Where it trips
“Last time you said…” can land badly when someone’s choices move around. And a change of approach can look like dodging the point.
How each can be misread
Case MakerLast time you said yes.
- Can mean
- I’m trying to understand.
- Can read as
- Caught you.
ChameleonI see this one differently.
- Can mean
- This one’s different.
- Can read as
- I’m changing my story.
How it can go
Changing how the chores get split
Case MakerLast month you said the split was fine.
ChameleonI see this one differently now.
Case MakerSo which is it?
Porcupine“So which is it?” may be a real question. It could also sound like a trap. Both answers may be true: it was fine last month, and it isn’t now.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · What does this text mean?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
The Case Maker
Ask what’s changed, and leave last month out of it.
It sounds like something’s different. What’s changed?
Why it helps: Check before assuming ›The Chameleon
When you’re changing your approach, say so.
I was okay with it last month, but this one matters to me now.
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict styleMore on these styles
- The Case MakerYou have your facts straight, and you came prepared.
- The ChameleonNo one style stood out, and your choices moved around.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).