What’s Your Conflict Style? › The Deal Maker and the Quiet One
Conflict styles, together
The Deal Maker and the Quiet One
One offers a way out. The other says little. It’s hard to make a deal with no answer.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Neither one wants a fight, so things stay calm, and an offer gives the quiet side something easy to say yes to.
Where it trips
Quiet can look like a yes. An offer can be taken as settled when it was never really answered, and the real issue can stay put.
How each can be misread
Deal MakerSo we’re good?
- Can mean
- I want this settled.
- Can read as
- I’m closing the subject.
Quiet OneSure.
- Can mean
- I’d rather not get into it.
- Can read as
- Yes, it’s settled.
How it can go
Who covers the holiday shift
Deal MakerYou do Friday, I’ll do Saturday. We’re good?
Quiet OneSure.
Deal MakerPerfect.
Porcupine“Sure” might be a yes. It might be the shortest way out. One word can’t say, so the deal may be less settled than it looks.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · Is this text dry?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
The Deal Maker
Leave room for a no.
Take a day if you want. Does that really work for you?
Why it helps: Ask, don’t pressure ›The Quiet One
If it’s not a yes, say when you’ll answer.
Let me think tonight. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict styleMore on these styles
- The Deal MakerYou’d rather both get something than argue all night.
- The Quiet OneWhen it gets hard, you go quiet.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).