Guide · Dating
How to ask for a second date
If you had a good time, saying so is simple. Here’s how.
Reach out soon
Within a day or two, while it’s fresh.
Say you had a good time
Clear and warm beats casual and vague.
Honest and hearable ›What you might want to sayhey so idk if you’d maybe want to hang out again sometime or whatever
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“idk… sometime or whatever” sounds like you don’t mind either way. Saying you had a really good time, and asking about this weekend, says you do.
What might land betterI had a really good time last night. Would you like to get dinner again this weekend?
Mention something specific
A moment you enjoyed shows you were paying attention.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to sayIt was fun.
Porcupine · Say what you appreciate“It was fun” could be about anyone. Their trip to the coast is about them.
What might land betterI loved hearing about your trip to the coast.
Make it easy to answer
A specific plan, with room to suggest another day, makes it easy to say yes or no.
Ask, don’t pressure ›What you might want to sayLet me know if you ever want to do something.
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“Let me know if you ever want to” leaves the asking to them. “Would Saturday work?” does the asking yourself.
What might land betterWould Saturday work? Or another day, if that’s better.
Take the answer graciously
If they say no, or don’t reply, let it go kindly. Not every good first date leads to a second.
Respect, even when angry ›What you might want to sayOh. Can I ask why? Was it something I said?
Porcupine · Accept what won’t change“Was it something I said?” asks them to explain a no. “Thanks for letting me know” takes it kindly.
What might land betterThanks for letting me know. Take care.
The common mistake
Playing it cool for too long
Waiting days so you don’t seem too eager can read as not that interested. A warm message within a day or two is simple and clear.
Honest and hearable ›If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayI had fun, but I don’t think we’re a match.
You could sayThanks for telling me. I enjoyed meeting you. Take care.
If they sayI’d like that, but this weekend’s busy.
You could sayNo problem. Would next week work?
If they sayLet me check my schedule.
You could saySounds good. Just let me know.
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayhey so idk if you’d maybe want to hang out again sometime or whatever
Porcupine · Say what you appreciateA good time, a moment you loved and a plan with room to change. It’s warm, clear and easy to answer.
What might land betterI had a really good time last night. I loved hearing about your trip. Would you like to get dinner again this weekend? Saturday works for me, or another day if that’s better.
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to the person you’re dating, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
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Common questions
How soon should I ask?
Within a day or two is natural. Waiting days to seem casual can read as less interest.
Should I text or call?
A text is usually fine, and easy to answer. A call can feel warm if you’ve already talked on the phone.
What if they take a while to reply?
Give it a day or two. If there’s still no reply, you can let it go. Silence is often an answer.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
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Related guides
Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).