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Guide · Managers and employees
How to ask your manager for feedback
Vague questions get vague answers. Here’s how to ask for feedback you can use.
Pick a good time
A one-on-one beats the end of a hectic day, or the hour after something went wrong. Asking a day ahead gives them time to think of something real, not just the first thing that comes to mind.
Cool down, then talk ›What you might want to sayGot a sec? Any feedback for me?
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“Got a sec?” asks for an answer on the spot. Ten minutes in Thursday’s one-on-one gives it a set time.
What might land betterCould we save ten minutes in our one-on-one on Thursday for feedback?
Ask specific questions
“How am I doing?” usually gets a polite “Great!” Name one piece of work or one skill, so they can picture a moment and tell you what they saw.
Honest and hearable ›What you might want to saySo… am I doing okay?
Porcupine · Ask real questions“Am I doing okay?” is wide open. One thing about client presentations is narrow enough to answer.
What might land betterWhat’s one thing I could do differently to make my client presentations stronger?
Make it easy to be honest
Criticism is awkward to give, so it often gets softened or skipped. Say plainly that you want the hard parts too, and ask for one thing rather than a full list.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to sayI think the launch went pretty well, right?
Porcupine · Make it safe to speak up“Pretty well, right?” asks them to agree. Asking what didn’t work, and for just one thing, makes it safe to say.
What might land betterI’d really like to hear what didn’t work on the launch, not just what did. What’s one thing you’d change?
Listen without defending
Your first reaction may be to explain. Say back what you heard and ask for an example first. Once you’re sure you understand, you can add what they might not know.
Understand before answering ›What you might want to sayThat’s not fair. The client changed the brief the night before.
Porcupine · Reflect back first“That’s not fair” defends before you’ve understood. Saying back what you heard, and asking which part to cut, keeps you learning.
What might land betterSo the deck ran too long for the time we had. Which part would you have cut?
Follow up
Try what they suggested, then tell them what you changed and ask again. It shows you took it seriously, and makes the next ask easier for both of you.
Honest and hearable ›What you might want to saySo… is it better now?
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“Is it better now?” asks for a grade. Saying what you changed, and asking if they noticed, gives them something specific to look for.
What might land betterI’ve kept my last two decks to ten slides, like you suggested. Have you noticed a difference?
The common mistake
Waiting for your review
Feedback that comes once a year is about work that’s already done. A small, specific question every few weeks gives you something to act on now, and leaves fewer surprises for the review itself.
If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayYou’re doing great, keep it up!
You could sayThanks, that’s good to hear. If you had to pick one thing for me to work on before my review, what would it be?
If they sayHonestly, your reports have been sloppy lately.
You could sayThanks for telling me straight. Could you show me one, so I can see what you mean?
If they sayLet me think about it and get back to you.
You could sayOf course. Could we pick it up in our next one-on-one?
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayHey, any feedback for me? No worries if not!
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“No worries if not!” makes it easy to skip. A set time, one skill and a real wish to hear the hard parts make it easy to give you something useful.
What might land betterCould we save ten minutes in our one-on-one on Thursday for feedback? I’d like to know one thing I could do to make my client presentations stronger. I’d really like to hear what isn’t working, not just what is.
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to your coworker, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
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Common questions
What if my manager isn’t good at giving feedback?
Make it easier to answer. A choice is easier than an open question: “Was the deck too long, or about right?” You can also ask what they’d like to see more of.
Should I ask in writing or in person?
Ask for the time in writing, and have the conversation in person or on a call, where tone comes through. Sending your question ahead gives them time to think.
What if the feedback feels unfair?
Ask for an example before you decide. If it still seems off, say once, calmly, what you see differently, and ask what would show them otherwise.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
Find the words with Porcupine
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Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).