What’s Your Conflict Style? › The Case Maker and the Peacekeeper
Conflict styles, together
The Case Maker and the Peacekeeper
One brings the case. The other gives way. It can look settled when only one side got said.
A free quiz: pick what you’d really do in 12 everyday moments. About 3 minutes.
Where it works
Clear reasons meet someone willing to listen, so small things get sorted quickly.
Where it trips
A strong case can end the talk before the other side has said anything. Giving way can look like agreeing, so what was given up stays unseen.
How each can be misread
Case MakerDoes that make sense?
- Can mean
- Tell me if I’m wrong.
- Can read as
- There’s only one answer.
PeacekeeperYou’re right, it’s fine.
- Can mean
- I’d rather not argue.
- Can read as
- We agree.
How it can go
Picking a new apartment
Case MakerIt’s closer, it’s cheaper and the lease is better. Does that make sense?
PeacekeeperYou’re right, it’s fine.
Case MakerGreat, I’ll call them.
Porcupine“It’s fine” may have been a yes, or it may have been the end of trying. Good reasons can’t show what wasn’t said.
Why it helps: Check before assuming › Free tool · Is this text passive-aggressive?Got a message like this?Paste it in to see a few ways it could be read, and what you could say back. We don’t save it.Check a textOne thing each can try
The Case Maker
After your reasons, ask what’s missing, and wait.
That’s my side. What would you want, if it were up to you?
Why it helps: Understand before answering ›The Peacekeeper
Say one thing you’d like before you agree.
I liked the other place better. Can we look once more?
Why it helps: Honest and hearable ›After a fight
Style is only half of it. Two people can want different things afterward: one wants to talk tonight, and the other needs a day. Neither is wrong. Say it out loud: “Here’s what I need after a fight. What do you need?”
Know a pair like this?
What’s Your Conflict Style?
Pick what you’d really do in twelve everyday moments, and see your style, how you come back from it and one thing to try.
Find your conflict styleMore on these styles
- The Case MakerYou have your facts straight, and you came prepared.
- The PeacekeeperYou’ll give a lot to keep things good between you.
- The seven conflict stylesSeven ways people handle a disagreement, and five ways they come back from it.
No style is the best one: each works sometimes and trips sometimes, and yours may change with the person and the day. The quiz is for fun and conversation. It isn’t a scientific test, and it isn’t therapy, counseling or professional advice. Porcupine made up these styles and ways back, drawing loosely on common ideas about conflict, and nobody has tested them. They describe what people do in a disagreement, not who they are or how a relationship is going. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, a page like this isn’t enough: put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).