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Guide · Teammates
How to ask a coworker to stop interrupting you
Being talked over again and again wears on you. Here’s how to address it calmly.
In the moment, keep your point
A calm line is enough. No need for an edge.
Honest and hearable ›What you might want to sayExcuse me, I was TALKING.
Porcupine · Soft start-up“I was TALKING” raises the volume. “I’d like to finish my thought” keeps your turn calmly.
What might land betterI’d like to finish my thought.
Talk privately, later
Bring up the pattern one on one, after the meeting, when neither of you is on the spot.
Cool down, then talk ›What you might want to sayWe need to talk about your behavior.
Porcupine · Soft start-up“Your behavior” sounds like a reprimand. Asking for a few minutes about “our meetings” starts it as a talk between equals.
What might land betterDo you have a few minutes after this? I’d like to talk about our meetings.
Describe the pattern
Specific moments, not a verdict on them.
Describe, don’t diagnose ›What you might want to sayYou clearly think you’re the only one with anything to say.
Porcupine · The behavior, not the person“The only one with anything to say” is a judgment of them. Being cut off a few times before you finished is what happened.
What might land betterIn the last few meetings, I’ve been cut off a few times before I finished my point.
Don’t guess why
They may not notice they do it, or think they’re helping. Ask how they see it.
Check before assuming ›What you might want to sayYou obviously don’t respect me.
Porcupine · Actions, not motives“Obviously don’t respect me” guesses why. “I’m not sure you notice it” leaves room for a simpler reason, and asks for theirs.
What might land betterI’m not sure you notice it. How do the meetings feel from your side?
Ask, don’t threaten
A request leaves room for them to change without losing face.
Ask, don’t pressure ›What you might want to sayStop interrupting me or I’m going to HR.
Porcupine · Ask without guilt or leverage“Or I’m going to HR” turns a request into a threat. “I want to hear your ideas too” shows you’re not shutting them out.
What might land betterCould you let me finish before jumping in? I want to hear your ideas too.
Suggest something for the whole team
Going around the table, or holding questions until the end, helps everyone get heard.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to saySome people need to learn to listen.
Porcupine · Make it a shared problem“Some people” points at someone without saying who. Going around the table gives everyone a turn, them included.
What might land betterCould we go around the table for updates, so everyone gets a turn?
If it keeps happening
Raise it with your manager as a team issue, with specific examples. It’s about everyone getting heard.
Honest and hearable ›
The common mistake
Talking louder over them
Raising your voice to keep the floor turns the meeting into a contest, and rarely changes the habit. A calm line in the moment and a private talk later work better.
Respect, even when angry ›If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayI’m just excited about the idea.
You could sayI can tell, and I like that. I’d just like to finish first.
If they sayI didn’t realize I was doing that.
You could sayThanks for hearing it. I figured you might not have noticed.
If they sayMeetings run long. Someone has to keep them moving.
You could sayAgreed. Could we keep them moving without cutting each other off, like a time limit for each update?
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayYou clearly think you’re the only one with anything to say. Stop interrupting me or I’m going to HR.
Porcupine · The behavior, not the person“You think you’re the only one” and the threat of HR make it about them. The pattern, one ask and wanting their ideas too keep it about the meetings.
What might land betterIn the last few meetings, I’ve been cut off a few times before I finished my point. Could you let me finish before jumping in? I want to hear your ideas too.
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to your coworker, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
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Common questions
What if it’s my manager who interrupts?
The same approach works, framed around the work: “I’d love to finish my thought before we move on. It’ll give you the full picture.”
What if they interrupt everyone?
Suggest something for the team, like going around the table. It helps everyone without singling anyone out.
What if I interrupt too?
Say so. It makes it a shared habit to work on, not a complaint.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
Find the words with Porcupine
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Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).