Guide · Neighbors
How to talk to your neighbor about a shared tree or fence
Shared property can turn into a long feud. Here’s how to sort it out as neighbors.
Talk in person
A friendly chat over the fence goes further than a letter.
Cool down, then talk ›What you might want to sayDear neighbor, it has come to my attention that…
Porcupine · Say it out loud“It has come to my attention” sounds like a notice from a lawyer. “Hi! Got a minute?” sounds like a neighbor.
What might land betterHi! Got a minute? I wanted to ask about the oak.
Describe the specifics
What’s happening, and what it means for you.
Describe, don’t diagnose ›What you might want to sayYour tree is wrecking my yard. Cut it down.
Porcupine · The behavior, not the person“Wrecking my yard” and “cut it down” go straight to the biggest ask. Branches on the roof and clogged gutters are what’s happening, and a trim fixes them.
What might land betterSome branches from your oak are hanging over our roof, and the leaves are clogging our gutters. Could we talk about trimming them?
Hear their side
They may love the tree, or not know the fence is leaning on your side.
Understand before answering ›What you might want to sayI don’t care how you feel about the tree.
Porcupine · Validate the feeling“I don’t care how you feel” dismisses something they love. Saying you know they love it, and only want a trim, keeps both.
What might land betterI know you love that tree. I’m not asking to cut it down, just to trim it.
Look for a fair split
Splitting the cost of a trim or a repair, or taking turns, can work for both of you.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to sayIt’s your tree, so you pay.
Porcupine · Make it a shared problem“It’s your tree, so you pay” draws a line. Offering to split it makes it a fix you share.
What might land betterWould you want to split the cost of a tree service?
Check the local rules
Who’s responsible for trees and fences varies by place. Your city’s website can tell you.
Put it in writing
A short message confirming what you agreed avoids confusion later.
What you might want to sayCool, see you.
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“Cool, see you” leaves the details in the air. $400 each and next month, in writing, means you both remember the same deal.
What might land betterJust to confirm: we’ll split the trim, $400 each, and book it for next month.
If you can’t agree
Many cities have a community mediation service that helps neighbors sort things out.
The common mistake
Acting first, talking later
Cutting their branches or putting up a new fence without a word can be within the rules and still start a feud. A conversation first costs a few minutes, and can save years of tension.
Respect, even when angry ›If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayThat tree was here before you moved in.
You could sayIt was, and I like it too. I’m only asking about the branches over the roof.
If they sayI can’t afford that right now.
You could sayUnderstood. Could we do the most urgent part now and the rest later?
If they sayThat fence is your problem.
You could sayMaybe it is. Could we look at the property line together, so we both know?
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayYour tree is wrecking my yard. Cut it down.
Porcupine · Make it a shared problemWhat’s happening, what it means for you and an offer to split the cost. It asks for a trim, not a fight over the tree.
What might land betterSome branches from your oak are hanging over our roof, and the leaves are clogging our gutters. Could we talk about trimming them? I’d be happy to split the cost of a tree service.
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to your neighbor, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
The Quills Check needs JavaScript. Please turn it on and reload the page.
Common questions
Can I trim branches that hang over my side?
In many places you can, up to the property line, but the rules vary. Check your city’s rules, and tell your neighbor first.
What if the fence is on the property line?
It’s often shared, and so are repairs. Check your local rules, and talk about splitting the cost.
What if they won’t pay anything?
Ask what they’d be comfortable with. If you still can’t agree, a community mediation service can help.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
Find the words with Porcupine
PorcupineRather talk over the fence? I’ll get you ready with a friendly first line, and what to say if you don’t agree.
Porcupine is coming soon. Sign up to be one of the first to try it.
Just your email. How we handle it
Related guides
Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).