Guide · Neighbors
How to talk to your neighbor about their barking dog
They may not know how much their dog barks while they’re out. Here’s how to tell them kindly.
Wait until you’re calm
Not at 6 a.m. while it’s still barking. Pick a reasonable hour, when you can be friendly.
Cool down, then talk ›What you might want to saySHUT THAT DOG UP!
Porcupine · Pause when floodedShouting over the barking meets noise with noise. A knock and a hello start it as neighbors.
What might land betterHi, do you have a minute? I’m from next door.
Assume they don’t know
If it happens while they’re at work, they may never have heard it. Start there.
Check before assuming ›What you might want to sayYou must hear it. It’s so loud.
Porcupine · Actions, not motives“You must hear it” assumes they’re ignoring it. “While you’re out” gives the likelier reason.
What might land betterYou might not know, since it happens while you’re out.
Describe when and how much
Specific times are easier to act on than “all the time.”
Describe, don’t diagnose ›What you might want to sayYour dog is a nightmare. Do you even care that the whole street can hear it?
Porcupine · The behavior, not the person“A nightmare” and “do you even care” are about them. Weekdays from 9 to noon, while you work from home, is something they can fix.
What might land betterI wanted to let you know your dog barks most weekdays from about 9 until noon. I work from home, so I hear it a lot.
Hear their side
They may have a new dog or a new schedule, or feel embarrassed. Let them answer.
Understand before answering ›What you might want to sayI don’t care why.
Porcupine · Ask real questions“I don’t care why” shuts out the answer that might help. Asking if the dog is new, and that it takes time, invites it.
What might land betterIs the dog new? I know it can take a while to settle in.
Look for a fix together
A dog walker, a different room, some training. Ask what they think might work.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to sayYou need to get rid of it.
Porcupine · Make it a shared problem“Get rid of it” asks them to give up their dog. A midmorning walker is a fix that keeps everyone.
What might land betterDo you think a midmorning dog walker might help?
Leave room to follow up
Agreeing to check in keeps it friendly and open.
Ask, don’t pressure ›What you might want to sayIf this doesn’t stop, I’m calling the city.
Porcupine · Ask without guilt or leverage“I’m calling the city” is a threat. Checking in in two weeks gives the fix time to work.
What might land betterCould we check in in a couple of weeks?
If nothing changes
Bring it up again, still friendly, before going to a landlord, a building manager or the city. Starting with a conversation keeps things neighborly.
Respect, even when angry ›
The common mistake
Going straight to the landlord or the city
A complaint from an official can come as a shock, and make every meeting in the hallway tense afterward. A friendly word first gives them a chance to fix it, and keeps you on good terms.
Respect, even when angry ›If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayShe only barks a little.
You could sayIt might seem that way when you’re home. While you’re out, it’s most of the morning.
If they sayDogs bark. That’s what they do.
You could sayOf course, and I don’t mind some barking. It’s the hours each weekday that are hard.
If they sayI’m doing my best.
You could sayI believe you. Thanks for working on it. Let me know if I can help.
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayYour dog is a nightmare. Do you even care that the whole street can hear it?
Porcupine · Explain the impactA friendly hello, the hours, why you hear it and a guess that they don’t know, then a question. It’s news they can do something about, with no blame in it.
What might land betterHi, I’m from next door. I wanted to let you know your dog barks most weekdays from about 9 until noon. I work from home, so I hear it a lot. You might not know, since it’s while you’re out. Any ideas on what might help?
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to your neighbor, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
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Common questions
Should I leave a note instead?
A note can read as an accusation, and it’s hard to answer. A friendly knock, or a chat in the hallway, goes further.
What if I don’t know them at all?
Introduce yourself first. A quick hello makes the rest easier to hear.
Should I record the barking?
It can help you remember the times, and show them if they’re unsure. Lead with the conversation, not the recording.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
Find the words with Porcupine
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Related guides
Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).