Guide · Neighbors
How to talk to your neighbor about parking
A blocked driveway or a lost spot can sour things fast. Here’s how to sort it out kindly.
Wait until you’re calm
Not while you’re stuck behind their car. Knock later, or catch them when you’re both around.
Cool down, then talk ›What you might want to sayDo you even look where you park?
Porcupine · Pause when flooded“Do you even look” is a dig, said while you’re stuck. Asking for a minute about the driveway waits until you’re not.
What might land betterDo you have a minute? I wanted to talk about the driveway.
Assume it’s a mix-up
They may not know the spot is yours, or that their car blocks your driveway. Start there.
Check before assuming ›What you might want to sayYou know that’s my spot.
Porcupine · Actions, not motives“You know that’s my spot” assumes they do. “Not sure if you knew” gives them an easy way to fix it.
What might land betterNot sure if you knew, but that spot comes with my unit.
Describe the specifics
Say what happened and what it meant for you.
Describe, don’t diagnose ›What you might want to sayLearn to park. You’ve blocked me in AGAIN.
Porcupine · No sarcasm, insults or contempt“Learn to park” and “AGAIN” are a scold. Mornings across the driveway, and not getting out for work, is what happened.
What might land betterYour car has been parked across my driveway a few mornings this week, and I couldn’t get out for work.
Hear their side
Maybe they have guests, a new car, or nowhere else to park on street-cleaning days.
Understand before answering ›What you might want to sayNot my problem where your guests park.
Porcupine · Ask real questions“Not my problem” shuts down their side. Asking about guests or street parking finds out what’s behind it.
What might land betterIs it guests, or is street parking hard for you too?
Find something that works for both of you
Trading spots, a text before guests arrive, or a shared rule for the driveway.
Us against the problem ›What you might want to sayJust don’t park there.
Porcupine · A clear, doable request“Just don’t park there” is an order. Weekday mornings clear, evenings fine, is a rule they can work with.
What might land betterCould we keep the driveway clear on weekday mornings? Evenings are fine by me.
Ask in person, not with a note
A note on the windshield can read as an accusation. A friendly ask leaves room to work it out.
Ask, don’t pressure ›If it keeps happening
Bring it up again, still friendly. If it’s a safety issue, like a blocked fire lane, your building manager or the city can help.
Respect, even when angry ›
The common mistake
Getting even
Blocking them back or leaving a sharp note can feel satisfying for a minute, and start a feud that lasts for years. A calm conversation is faster in the end.
Respect, even when angry ›If it doesn’t go the way you hoped
What they might say, and what you could say back.
If they sayIt’s a public street.
You could sayIt is. I’m only asking about the driveway itself, so I can get out.
If they sayI was only there for a few minutes.
You could sayI get it. Even a few minutes in the morning makes me late. Could you text me if you need to stop there?
If they sayYou don’t park so well either.
You could sayFair enough. Let’s both be careful. Want to agree on where each of us parks?
Putting it together
The whole message, before and after.
What you might want to sayLearn to park. You’ve blocked me in AGAIN.
Porcupine · A clear, doable requestA quick heads-up, what happened, how it affected you, room for a mix-up and one ask. It’s easy to read, and easy to agree to.
What might land betterHi, quick thing: your car has been parked across my driveway a few mornings this week, and I couldn’t get out for work. You might not have realized it was blocking me. Could you leave the driveway clear on weekday mornings?
Run a Quills Check on yours
Write what you want to say to your neighbor, however it comes out. I’ll show you if the quills are up, and a version with them down.
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Common questions
What if the street parking is public?
Then neither of you owns the spot. You can still ask nicely, and look for a fair way to share.
Should I leave a note on their car?
A note can read as an accusation. Knocking, or catching them outside, is friendlier and easier to answer.
What if it’s their guests, not them?
Ask them to let their guests know where to park. A friendly heads-up usually does it.
Know someone this would help?
Send them this guide. The link shows its title and one of its examples.
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Guides are general information, not legal, financial or professional advice. If you’re afraid of how someone might react, put your safety first and talk to someone you trust (Safety first).